Déjà vu

Spring day inside The Chicago Botanic Garden

The other day I experienced déjà vu. I was at the mall running through my mind some feelings of defeat and disappointment in a relationship.

Last week I had written myself an email about a vivid dream of a raucous party in Bel Air. We were then climbing a tenuous, unsteady platform in the middle of a muddy river to shoot a scene. As my crew and I climbed up our weight made the platform gently tip over and we all got lunged off and soaked in the river. It was a soft fall in slow motion, no feeling of physical weight or harsher sensations of being slapped into dirty mud waters. It was safe.

When I woke up I felt a heavy backlash of lethargy and melancholy similar to the déjà vu. In the dream, however, I felt thrilled by the chase, the attempt to climb the heights of this platform to get the perfect shot.

I knew the dream was vivid because it was significant. I think dreams are perhaps a ‘postcard from the future’ preparing us to properly receive our experience in this physical reality, which is more visceral and painful.

Then when we wake from a dream how we react to it becomes a kind of test run. Strangely having déjà vu made me feel more compassionate towards myself and the situation which brought on so much initial disappointment.

Perhaps, déjà vu is a mechanism that was created to protect us from our ‘overreaction’ to something that is perhaps more benevolent in nature, a presence of Spirit that would shield us from the actual fall in physical reality by feeling already familiar. I felt I should have been far more hurt in real life, but when it came to this relationship it felt much lighter like it was held in some protective womb trying to be sort out in ways I could not perceive or fully grasp at least for now.