He thinks I am Bipolar

20180505_184128 (1)He thinks I am Bipolar when I do not just do whatever he thinks I will do or say whatever he wants me to say. It could be anything like opening a can of salt sea peanuts on a very boring day at work. Random.

I am beginning to like that he thinks that I am ‘crazy,’ and that he can never get too comfortable in a catatonic state of relationship rituals no one cares about.

Who knows. Perhaps, he and I can have what we call a ‘decent relationship’ that no one understands unless they are also you know…

Cut motel scene from “Loves Park”

Below are stills from a scene that did not make the final version of “Loves Park.” It was a disturbing and violent scene that felt eerily cut from a different film. It was a flashback scene of Edie with her Aunt Sue, reflecting a fraught relationship that affected Edie as an adult and made her question her capacity to care for others.

Actor Alexis Evelyn in motel scene from 'Loves Park' movie prologue

I remember a few weeks before shooting I was on an airplane back to Chicago when I called my producer and freaked out about the fact that we don’t know why our lead character Edie doesn’t want children, why she feels so detached from her husband and her life in general.

And so I wrote this scene to explain it in some way, but it was too late. The film had been written and partially realized in pre-production without my needing to know why my main character felt the way she felt.

Motel scene 15

This would seem to be such a basic flaw in the writing of the film and would never be made through traditional means, but was in fact what made it most mesmerizing for me all these years.

Motel scene 11

It may just be the future presenting itself in a way that your present self can’t quite understand, so that when this future becomes present, it is able to be received properly and not so easily dismissed by an inflexible mind. The film opened me up to the spiritual nature of art, the mystifying part of it which draws the soul out of its hardened shell, so that information and light could be retrieved, and new selves could be formed.

Motel scene 14