Cigarettes will kill you

“Cigarettes will kill you.
Sponsored by the same people who are trying to kill you.”
You know that one thing that you have to do and,
and the longer you don’t do it, it just drives you —
nuts!
I’m ready.
Are you doubting me, you don’t think,
you don’t think I can— well
SCREWWWWWW
YOUUUUUU!
Well you’re wrong.
I could really use a friend right now —
Why’s it that whenever you need a friend,
they’re never around?
I need something—
Like coffee!
or BEER!
I — I  could really go for a cigarette right now.
And I have to have it with — with—
PROST! — YESSSS!!!
I quit smoking.
25 minutes ago.
GREAT!! YEEEEEEAH!
I can do whatever I want, ok I don’t —
The last 20 minutes have been really difficult,
I could just go to the gas station right now!
But you know what, I believe in something called committment.
“You wanna mess with me?! You wanna mess me?!—”
that if you put your mind to something
something’s gotta happen
SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE!
Oh— oh— oh—
GADOOOOOSSHHH!!!!
She walked up to me.
DOOOSHHH,
DOOOOOSSSHHH,
DOOOOSHHH—
“What — the fuck you — (gasp!)
you think—(gasp!)
you’re doin’ —(gasp!)
BITCH!! —“
Excuse me?
What do you think YOU’RE doin’!—
I took her
fatass to the ground
and was like,
GADOOOOOOOSHHH!
GADOOOOOOSHHHHH!!!!!!
HOH!
HAI!
Really need a cigarette dude—-
I WIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
What should I, what should I do, should I have a cigarette right now?
Buddies! Buddies?
I want a cigarette!!!
It’s okay buddies, it’s okay…
I’m not going to have a cigarette right now.
PIGLET!
I will scream!
How about I scream in your belly?
WAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
“—bonafide hussullah makin’ my name”
Cigarettes contain carbon monoxide.
“—the fuck you lookin’ at?”
“Don’t know what you sayin’,
say what?!
Are you talking?!”
“Why you legally sell dis shit if it wasn’t good fo’ me?!
FEELS GOOD!!!”
“I don’t got family, I don’t fuckin’ got kids, you think
I’m going to fuckin care if I die in 5 years from now?
Get the fuck real lady!”
OK, I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.
Oh my godddd, oh my godddd
I really need a cigarette dude—
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
 How many minutes has it been so far?

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